This Hero's Mighty Farts May Win Mankind's War on Mosquitoes
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Joe Rwamirama, 48, from Kampala, Uganda says boffins have launched a study into the chemical properties of his unique trouser toxin.
The odd job man says no one in his home village has ever contracted malaria because his powers knock out insects over a six mile radius.
If true, that would make his fallout zone larger than that of the atomic bomb which destroyed Hiroshima in 1945.
Local barber James Yoweri said: "He is known all over the city as the man who can kill mosquitoes with his farts.
"When Joe is around we all know that mosquitoes will vanish.
“He is respectful of people around him and will only fart when there are mosquitoes around which bring malaria. His farts gets rid of this disease." …
Joe said: “I eat ordinary food just like everyone else but no insect can lay a foot on me, not even a fly. …
Joe dreams of his marketing his gas and added: “Imagine buying a Raid can with my face on it!”
Behold nature in all its glory.
The natural world never ceases to amaze me. The way an ecosystem will evolve to achieve perfect balance. A plant species becomes too abundant and herbivores will adapt to eat that plant. The herbivores become to populous and they'll be put in check by the lack of food or the emergence of a carnivorous predator. Too many humans inhabit an area and start depleting the resources, so the insect population responds with a dreaded disease that wipes them out. So Joe Rwamirama evolves the perfect, all natural defense mechanism to protect his own.
Yes, it's science. But the fact it's the natural order of things makes it no less of a miracle. Joe possesses the ass equivalent of John Coffey in "The Green Mile." A gift from God. And his mighty, God-given crop dusting power could be of vital importance to people in tropical climates around the globe. Because make no mistake, malaria is not a joke. In the '70s they got malaria deaths down to nearly zero by spraying with DDT. But they had to stop the practice because the chemicals were wreaking havoc with plants and animals. Then within years, the human deaths were back up to a million. It was a horrible, worldwide tragedy.
So along comes Joe Rwamirama's miraculous digestive gas to save not only his fellow man, but the planet as well. If he can somehow mass produce his magical wind, get into aerosol form and send it around the world, he's the next great transformative figure in human history. We'll be inventing new Nobel Prizes to give him, because the Peace and Science ones won't be enough.
So that you, Joe. And thank you, nature for giving us this marvelous, unique man and his magnificent ass. Life … finds a way.